Former Major League outfielder Elijah Dukes has fallen on hard financial times. On Wednesday, he appeared in court, clad in an orange jumpsuit. He offered the Judge Liz Rice tears and apologies in a, but he could not offer the approximately $143 thousand he owes in child support.
At a past hearing in May, Dukes informed the court that he had spent all but $1,500 of his retirement account. The judge ordered him to pay what he had in child support, but Dukes did not pay and failed to appear at several later hearings. On Monday, Dukes was arrested on contempt of court charges.
Judge Rice said to him, "Mr. Dukes, we're not holding you in jail because we like to see you in an orange jumpsuit. All we want you to do is honor your commitment to this court and your family." She ordered Dukes to be released, set a new hearing for November 22, and ordered Dukes to bring financial records. Judge Rice added, "You can't just throw a bunch of documents at your lawyer and say, 'You do the Accounting.' You do it."
The case of Elijah Duke's illustrates what can happen when a parent ignores child support obligations. When a father's financial situation changes, and he can no longer afford his child support obligations, he cannot simply ignore it and hope it goes away. That strategy often leads to an arrest for nonpayment. Family law judges are willing to work with a father who is going through financial difficulties, but when a father does not pay, and does not inform the court, judges are also willing to issue an arrest warrant.
When a father's financial situation takes a turn for the worse and he can no longer afford to make child support payments, an experienced family law attorney can help. Family law attorneys understand that when an involuntary loss of income happens to a father, as has happened to Elijah Dukes, a lowering the child support payment is made possible by bringing a motion to modify to the court.
Source: St. Petersburg Times: Former Tampa Bay Ray Dukes offers tears, excuses, but no child support; Dan Sullivan, 11/4/2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Dwyane Wade's custody battle begins
Dwyane Wade's custody battle begins
Associated Press
The appointed attorney for Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade's two young sons has recommended to a Chicago court that the NBA star be awarded custody of the children.
Wade and ex-wife Siohvaughn Wade returned to court on Wednesday, this time to begin the trial that will decide custody of their boys, ages 8 and 3. Attorney Lester Barclay, the boys' representative, filed a pretrial memo outlining three recommendations he plans to make during trial, with one caveat being Siohvaughn Wade should agree to undergo "extensive therapy" as part of any scenario.
"At trial it is my intention, based on the best interests of my clients, the minor children ... to be with" Dwyane Wade, Barclay wrote.
The court does not need to follow Barclay's advice, though it's fairly common for the suggestions of a child's representative to at least be weighed in such cases.
Barclay's recommendations included residential custody primarily with Dwyane Wade; joint custody with at least one of the boys attending school in Florida; or sole custody for the 2006 NBA finals MVP.
The Heat guard signed a new six-year contract worth about $107 million with the Heat in July, doing so on the same day longtime friends and fellow NBA stars LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined the Miami roster.
Dwyane Wade was awarded "physical possession" of his sons in June by another judge in Chicago, who found that an emergency order was merited because Wade's time for visitation with his children "has been frustrated on an ongoing basis as a result of continual interference" by his now ex-wife. Their divorce was finalized in June, although custody and financial matters remain undecided.
In the June ruling, the court cited three instances, one in March and two in May, where Dwyane Wade's visitation schedules were altered by his ex-wife. Siohvaughn Wade has made claims that her sons are abused when in their father's custody.
Following a break for Rosh Hashanah, the trial will resume Monday with opening statements and other motions. Siohvaughn Wade is expected to be the first witness when testimony begins Tuesday.
Dwyane Wade expects the trial will last for at least a full week, which means he may not return to South Florida until just before the Sept. 28 start of Heat training camp.
Associated Press
The appointed attorney for Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade's two young sons has recommended to a Chicago court that the NBA star be awarded custody of the children.
Wade and ex-wife Siohvaughn Wade returned to court on Wednesday, this time to begin the trial that will decide custody of their boys, ages 8 and 3. Attorney Lester Barclay, the boys' representative, filed a pretrial memo outlining three recommendations he plans to make during trial, with one caveat being Siohvaughn Wade should agree to undergo "extensive therapy" as part of any scenario.
"At trial it is my intention, based on the best interests of my clients, the minor children ... to be with" Dwyane Wade, Barclay wrote.
The court does not need to follow Barclay's advice, though it's fairly common for the suggestions of a child's representative to at least be weighed in such cases.
Barclay's recommendations included residential custody primarily with Dwyane Wade; joint custody with at least one of the boys attending school in Florida; or sole custody for the 2006 NBA finals MVP.
The Heat guard signed a new six-year contract worth about $107 million with the Heat in July, doing so on the same day longtime friends and fellow NBA stars LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined the Miami roster.
Dwyane Wade was awarded "physical possession" of his sons in June by another judge in Chicago, who found that an emergency order was merited because Wade's time for visitation with his children "has been frustrated on an ongoing basis as a result of continual interference" by his now ex-wife. Their divorce was finalized in June, although custody and financial matters remain undecided.
In the June ruling, the court cited three instances, one in March and two in May, where Dwyane Wade's visitation schedules were altered by his ex-wife. Siohvaughn Wade has made claims that her sons are abused when in their father's custody.
Following a break for Rosh Hashanah, the trial will resume Monday with opening statements and other motions. Siohvaughn Wade is expected to be the first witness when testimony begins Tuesday.
Dwyane Wade expects the trial will last for at least a full week, which means he may not return to South Florida until just before the Sept. 28 start of Heat training camp.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Billionaire Divorce -- $100K a Month in Child Support
Billionaire Divorce -- $100K a Month in Child Support
10/22/2010 10:05 AM PDT by TMZ Staff
Ex-MGM owner Kirk Kerkorian is used to writing big checks, so it may only come with a wince that he has to pay $100,000 a month in child support -- for one kid!
Kerkorian -- who had one of the nastiest and richest divorces ever from ex-wife Lisa Kerkorian -- has been fighting Lisa's bid to drastically increase support for their 12-year-old daughter.
So who woulda thunk? Kirk and Lisa settled ... and TMZ has obtained a copy of the agreement, in which Kirk agreed to double the current monthly support, which had previously been set at $50,000.
Child support king Michael Trope managed to squeeze out an additional $10,250,000 in retroactive child support for his client, dating back to 2002.
As part of the deal, Lisa agreed to drop a civil suit she filed against Kirk -- which could have been worth tens of millions of dollars.
And here's the most incredible part -- Kirk may not even be the biological daddy.
10/22/2010 10:05 AM PDT by TMZ Staff
Ex-MGM owner Kirk Kerkorian is used to writing big checks, so it may only come with a wince that he has to pay $100,000 a month in child support -- for one kid!
Kerkorian -- who had one of the nastiest and richest divorces ever from ex-wife Lisa Kerkorian -- has been fighting Lisa's bid to drastically increase support for their 12-year-old daughter.
So who woulda thunk? Kirk and Lisa settled ... and TMZ has obtained a copy of the agreement, in which Kirk agreed to double the current monthly support, which had previously been set at $50,000.
Child support king Michael Trope managed to squeeze out an additional $10,250,000 in retroactive child support for his client, dating back to 2002.
As part of the deal, Lisa agreed to drop a civil suit she filed against Kirk -- which could have been worth tens of millions of dollars.
And here's the most incredible part -- Kirk may not even be the biological daddy.
Friday, October 15, 2010
A divorce attorney who's a perfect fit
A divorce attorney who's a perfect fit
How to find a family lawyer tailor-made to suit your divorce's unique needs.
By Diana Shepherd
"So far, Jane's divorce has cost us about $120,000. It'll probably be closer to $150,000 by the time the dust settles." Micheal, a Chicago-based architect, is speaking about his fiancee's extremely bitter split with her ex-husband. "We hired the best divorce lawyer money could buy, and it was worth every penny," he asserts forcefully.
On the other side of the coin is Susan, an assistant editor at a Toronto newspaper. "We each entered the marriage with nothing, and we left with nothing," says Susan. "No kids, no money, no investments, no assets. Since we managed to remain on good terms throughout our separation, we opted for a do-it-yourself divorce. Our divorce agreement basically consisted of us saying, 'You take the microwave, I'll take the TV set'," she adds.
If you're like most separated North Americans, your situation is probably somewhere between Jane's and Susan's: you've acquired some assets -- or children -- during your marriage, and you and your ex are relatively civil to one another most of the time. You've also probably never had occasion to retain a divorce lawyer before, and may have no idea how to go about finding the divorce lawyer who's right for you.
The search begins
"Unfortunately, many people spend less time searching for a family lawyer to handle their divorce than they do shopping for a new car, home, or apartment," says Lester Wallman, a partner in the New York family-law firm Wallman, Greenberg, Gasman, & McKnight and the author of Cupid, Couples & Contracts: A Guide to Living Together, Prenuptial Agreements, and Divorce (Mastermedia). "It's shocking when you consider that their future, money, property, and the custody and support of their children may be forever affected by the quality of the divorce lawyer they choose."
More information on divorce lawyers:
Choose the Best Lawyer
Your Divorce Team
A Solid Relationship
Your Divorce Lawyer: Who's In Control?
The A-Team
Finding the right divorce lawyer is critical for your divorce and you can begin your search by talking to those you know: ask for recommendations from a close friend or family member (your friends and your family -- not your spouse's) who have been through divorce themselves. If you can't get any personal recommendations, there are professional organizations that offer family-lawyer referral services, such as The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (312-263-6477, www.aaml.org), The American Bar Association -- Family Law Section (800-454-8432 or 312-263-6477, www.abanet.org), and The Law Society of Upper Canada (800-268-8326 or 416-947-3330, www.lsuc.on.ca). Ask for two or three names of local lawyers who devote their practice to family law. Also, check your phonebook for the number of your local Bar Association.
Visit a library and take a look at the "Martindale-Hubbell" -- a seven-volume compendium of lawyers categorized by state and ability. Read the biographies, and make sure the attorneys you select specialize in matrimonial or family law. You could also visit a courthouse in order to see lawyers in action; call the clerk's office to obtain dates and locations of cases and hearings.
"How much" lawyer do you actually need? The best (and most expensive) litigator money can buy, or someone who can handle the whole thing quickly and inexpensively? Is it important to find a lawyer who's "compatible" with you: one who understands and respects your thoughts and feelings about your divorce? Or can -- and more importantly, should -- you handle your divorce yourself?
Your answers to these questions will be determined by your own unique circumstances. Here are some basic guidelines to help put you on the right track.
Finding a divorce lawyer
Choosing which divorce lawyer will represent you may be the most important decision you'll make during your divorce proceedings. As in any profession, there are good divorce lawyers and bad divorce lawyers. It's up to you to do your homework -- and to ask the right questions -- to determine which group your family attorney falls into.
"The ideal family lawyer lets you participate in a discussion about your situation and is not afraid to tell you at the outset advice and information you may not want to hear," states Michael Cochrane, a Toronto-based family lawyer and divorce mediator with Ricketts Harris, and the author of Surviving Your Divorce: A Guide to Canadian Family Law (John Wiley Canada, 1999). "After spending 30 minutes with this divorce lawyer, you can answer three questions: Do I feel comfortable with this person? Do I respect his or her opinion? Does this person respect mine?"
Look for someone who:
* Practices matrimonial or family law. A divorce lawyer who specializes in taxation, even if he or she's your best friend, isn't going to be much help to you.
* Can work with other professionals. As a family-law attorney, he or she must be able to work with accountants, appraisers, and other expert witnesses to track down and evaluate assets.
* Has a lot of experience. If your divorce lawyer is fresh out of law school, make sure he or she has an experienced mentor at the firm -- one with an excellent knowledge of relevant divorce law -- to go over his/her cases.
* Is a skilled negotiator. If your case can be settled without a protracted court battle, you'll probably save a great deal of time, trouble, and money.
* Is firm. If you do end up going to court, you don't want your divorce lawyer to crumble at the first obstacle.
* Is reasonable. You want someone who'll advise you to settle if the offer is fair, and not to have the case drag on and on to satisfy your need for revenge.
* Is compatible with you. You don't have to become best friends, but you must be comfortable enough with your lawyer to be able to tell him or her some of your deepest, darkest secrets. If you can't bring yourself to disclose information relevant to the case, you'll be putting your lawyer at an extreme disadvantage. "It's important to find a family lawyer you can work with -- one who's on your wavelength," confirms James C. MacDonald, a partner in the family law practice of MacDonald & Partners in Toronto and founding chairman of the national family law section of the Canadian Bar Association. Your family lawyer isn't your therapist or confessor, but he or she does need to be aware of all pertinent facts in order to do a good job for you.
* Is totally candid. Your lawyer should be up-front about what he or she thinks your divorce will cost, if there are holes or any problems with your case, and whether or not you have any aces up your sleeve.
* Is not in conflict with your best interests. Don't share a divorce lawyer with your spouse; don't hire your spouse's best friend (even if he's a friend of yours, too), business partner, or any member of your spouse's family to represent you -- even if you're on good terms with them. Aside from the obvious conflict of interest involved, you'll have created enemies -- and probably a whole new family feud -- before your divorce settles.
* Is more than a pretty face. This may seem painfully obvious, but given our frail human nature, it bears noting here: don't choose a lawyer based on physical attractiveness. You're looking for competence -- not for a date on Saturday night.
Choose a Specialist
In each divorce, different issues come up that require special attention; so it is best to find a divorce lawyer who concentrates on the specific issues that may arise in your divorce. Here are some examples:
* Men's/Fathers' Rights. "To find a good fathers'-rights lawyer, my first piece of advice would be to pick up the Yellow Pages," says Henry James Koehler, a leading Beverly Hills fathers'-rights lawyer. "Call every lawyer listed under 'divorce' and ask them if they win custody for fathers. If they say 'yes', ask them for a consultation." Koehler also suggests asking them for phone numbers of their clients so you can call them to share ideas and problems and to learn the technique of this particular lawyer. "Ask questions like: 'Does he settle? Does he fight? Does he build a team out of himself and the client?'" Koehler advises. Some lawyers, however won't provide clients referrals in order to protect their clients' privacy.
* Women's/Mothers' Rights. As a woman, you may have the right to a share of the assets (including your husband's pension), the family business, or property attained during the the marriage, whether you worked outside the home or not. "A women's-rights attorney can help women get past the gender stereotypes to ensure they receive their fair share," says Arlene Coleman-Schwimmer of the Beverly Hills law firm Coleman-Schwimmer & Warren. "A women's right lawyer knows the language and the issues and has the experience to get past the barriers that women face in divorce."
* Custody. If you believe custody of your children will become a major battle, then going to a lawyer who concentrates on custody issues is very important. "Finding a lawyer that has an expertise in child custody will help achieve the most favorable outcome," says Susan Cartier, a partner in the Connecticut firm Cartier and De Matteo. "You want someone who has the experience and a good working knowledge of the law surrounding custody. Without this knowledge of the specific legal process the children involved could be negatively impacted."
* Small Business. If one or both of you owns a small business, you should "seek a lawyer or a firm that has knowledge of businesses and corporations as well as family law," says Gemma Allen, a partner in the Chicago law firm Ladden & Allen. "Having the knowledge will guarantee that you get your fair share. Your lawyer will have to look at the worth of the business, cash flow versus debt, and evaluate corporate partnerships, real estate, and your liability."
* International. If your divorce deals with out of state/country property, or if there is a threat of having your child removed from the country, hiring a family lawyer who knows international divorce law and policies is essential. "Not every lawyer can handle cases such as these," says Lawrence Bloom, a New York divorce lawyer who regularly handles international cases. "You need someone who has the experience and the knowledge of other countries' divorce laws and views on custody and property."
* Bankruptcy. If one or both of you is facing bankruptcy, hiring a divorce lawyer who understands bankruptcy law can save you lots of time and money. "When bankruptcy occurs within a divorce, it can complicate things," says David Neale, of the Los Angeles family-law firm Levene, Neale, Bender and Rankin. "You will want someone who has the know-how to serve your best interests -- and that includes knowing the law around bankruptcy to ensure that your case isn't put on hold due to the federal matters."
Little firm, big firm
You also need to decide whether you'd like to be represented by a sole practitioner or a full-service family-law firm. Your choice will be partially dictated by your spouse's choice: if the divorce is relatively easy and friendly, you can probably agree on what kind of representation you need. If the divorce is very bitter; if there are children, money, or large assets at stake; or if your spouse is just plain "out to get you", consider hiring a "top gun" -- whether that be a well-respected individual or a team of lawyers at a prestigious firm.
The main advantage to hiring a sole practitioner is that you know exactly who will be working on your case; in bigger firms, the lawyer you speak to initially may not be the one who does the bulk of the work on your case. You will get to know your sole practitioner well, which should make office visits or phone conversations a little more comfortable.
"Many people prefer to have this kind of one-on-one relationship with their lawyer," says Lois Brenner, a Manhattan divorce lawyer and co-author of Getting Your Fair Share (Crown Publishers). "Divorce is a very personal and psychological thing. Having a closer connection with a family lawyer allows a client to feel comfortable and offers him or her the chance to give input." A sole practitioner will usually be less expensive than a big family-law firm, although some top practitioners can be quite pricey.
If you're looking for a divorce law firm to represent you, remember that they come in all types and sizes. A firm can be three lawyers and a few paralegals, or 100 lawyers and more than 20 paralegals. You can hire a general practice firm that deals with various areas of the law and has a smaller department that handles divorce and family law, or a matrimonial firm that handles only matrimonial matters. "In this world of specialization, it can be essential to have an attorney or firm that deals with family-law cases on a regular basis," says Bernard Rinella, a Fellow of the AAML and a partner in Rinella and Rinella, one of the oldest matrimonial law firms in Illinois. "A general practitioner wouldn't know the everyday workings of divorce law that a matrimonial attorney would deal with daily."
Donald Schiller of Schiller, DuCanto and Fleck, the largest family-law firm in the US, agrees. "In a divorce, there's a lot at stake and a lot of issues. Having a family-law firm allows a client to have a huge fund of knowledge and several divorce lawyers to back them up on every aspect of divorce law."
A full-service firm can give you access to specialists in other fields if your case requires it. "You can get everything done in-house," says Malcolm Kronby, a Certified Specialist in Family Law practicing at Epstein Cole and the author of Canadian Family Law (Stoddart Publishing, 1997). A full-service firm can handle complications such as shareholders' agreements, business organization or reorganization, tax-driven settlements (including asset transfers), establishment of family trusts, real-estate transfers, or estate planning. There may be a number of people handling your case at a big firm, which has its own set of pros and cons. One advantage is that you get the experience of a senior lawyer while lower-priced associates, paralegals, and legal secretaries handle some of the standard elements of your case, saving you money.
But most importantly, Cartier stresses the importance of looking at your individual divorce lawyer's ability handle your case. "Size doesn't always matter," she says. "If your particular lawyer listens to your wants and needs and does all he can to achieve them, it doesn't matter if he is with a law firm of two or of fifty."
The initial interview
The outcome of your divorce proceedings will change the course of your life forever, so invest the time and money to find the lawyer who will do the best job for you. "When looking for a lawyer, you should interview two or three prospective professionals before deciding who'll represent you," advises Phyllis Soloman, a New York City lawyer and the former president of the National Conference of the Women's Bar Association. Remember: it's your responsibility to retain a lawyer who's not only good at his or her job, but one whose personality and outlook are compatible with yours.
Here are the questions you should ask during your initial interview:
* Do you practice family law exclusively? If not, what percentage of your practice is family law?
* How long have you been practicing?
* What is your retainer (the initial fee paid -- or, sometimes, the actual contract you sign -- to officially hire a divorce attorney)? Is this fee refundable? What is your hourly fee?
* What is your billing technique? You should know what you're paying for, how often you will be billed, and at what rates.
* Approximately how much will my divorce cost? The divorce attorney will only be able to provide an estimate based on the information you provide -- and your realistic estimation of how amicable you and you spouse are. If you think your case is extremely simple, but your spouse's divorce lawyer buries your family attorney in paperwork, you can expect your costs to increase.
* What do you think the outcome will be? Remember, you're looking for truthfulness here -- not to be told a pretty story.
* If your spouse has retained a lawyer, ask your prospective lawyer whether he or she knows this lawyer. If so, ask:"Have you worked with him or her before? Do you think the divorce lawyer will work to settle the case? And is there anything that would prevent you from working against this lawyer?"
* What percentage of your cases go to trial? You actually want to choose a family-law attorney with a low percentage here -- a good negotiator who can settle your case without a long, expensive court battle.
* Are you willing and able to go to court if this case can't be settled any other way?
* How long will this process take? (Again, the answer will be an approximation.)
* What are my rights, and what are my obligations during this process?
* At a full-service firm, ask who will be handling the case: the lawyer you're interviewing, an associate, or a combination of senior and junior lawyers and paralegals?
* Should I consider mediation? Ask if your case -- at least in the initial stages -- might be a good one for mediation. If there has been violence in the relationship, or one spouse is seriously intimidated by the other, this may not be a viable alternative.
* Should I consider Collaborative Law? "In a collaborative practice, the clients themselves conduct settlement negotiations with their lawyers acting as advisors to the clients instead of taking charge of the process," explains MacDonald, who is the founder and current president of the Toronto Collaborative Family Law Group. "Each party has to find a collaborative lawyer to represent him or her." MacDonald recommends Collaborative Law for most divorce cases -- except when violence or vengeance is involved.
* What happens now? Do I need to do anything? And when will I hear from you? Finally, if there's something you really need to know, or if you don't understand something the lawyer said, don't be afraid to ask for clarification. "There's no such thing as a stupid question," says Susan Cartier. "If there is something you want to know, ask. It's your life on the line." Bring a list of questions with you to the initial interview; that way, you'll know if all of your concerns have been handled.
Sometimes, despite their best efforts, people end up choosing the wrong lawyers. "Normally, a client will gravitate to the lawyer who will fulfill his or her needs -- whether that be for a tough litigator or low-key negotiator," observes David Wildstein, who heads the matrimonial practice at Wilentz, Goldman & Spitzer in NJ. If it's clear that you've chosen the wrong lawyer, he says, don't compound the problem by sticking with them to the bitter end. "You'll either prolong the process unnecessarily, or end up with an unacceptable settlement," says Wildstein.
What your divorce lawyer needs to know
You'll also need to provide information to your prospective lawyer during your initial interview. The better prepared you are for this meeting, the more you'll get out of it. Just as you're searching for the ideal divorce lawyer, the lawyer is hoping you'll be the ideal client: calm, businesslike, competent, and well prepared. "Ideal clients are organized; are willing to work together with me to attain their goals; and are willing to listen to my advice, pay their bills on time, and settle if possible, instead of tapping into their children's college fund," says Soloman.
Of course every case is unique, but the following checklist will give you an idea of what information your lawyer is looking for during your first meeting. You need to disclose:
* Why you are seeking a divorce. What caused your breakup? Are you sure you want to end the marriage, or is the visit to a lawyer meant to be a wake-up call to your spouse? "You need to be sure that you actually want a divorce," says Wildstein. "If you're secretly hoping for a reconciliation, then you and your lawyer are working towards different goals."
* Personal data. Bring as much personal data about you, your spouse, and your children (if any) as you can gather. Write down your names (maiden name too, if applicable); your home and work addresses and telephone numbers; your ages and places of birth; your Social Security Numbers; your states of health -- both mental and physical; your Green Card(s) and immigration papers (if applicable).
* Facts about your marriage. When and where did you get married? Did you sign a prenuptial agreement? If so, bring a copy of the agreement with you. Have either of you been married before? Bring the details of your previous divorce(s) with you.
* If there was there any abuse in the marriage. Your lawyer will need to know if you were ever a victim or a perpetrator of abuse. Despite the fear you may have revealing this kind of information, your silence will prevent your lawyer from doing his or her job in representing you. Knowing about the abuse also allows your lawyer to acquire orders of protection for you and your children.
* Whether there will be custody or access issues. Do you have children, and are there issues that will involve them -- such as custody, joint custody, and access? "If so, be prepared to discuss these issues in some detail on your first visit to your lawyer," says Philip Epstein, senior partner at Epstein Cole in Toronto. "This is more important than financial information, because until you know what's happening with regard to the children, you can't plan anything with respect to your settlement." Kronby agrees, but notes that "some couples are able to defer custody issues and get the financial issues out of the way first."
* Financial information. What assets and debts did each of you bring into the marriage? What are your incomes and what are your expenses -- jointly and individually? What are the names and addresses of your employers? How much money do both of you have invested: in the bank, the stock market, etc.? Has either of you invested in insurance or a pension plan? What property do you own (a house, car, boat, income property, etc.)? Was the property purchased before or after the marriage? Do you have a mortgage, and how much is still owed? Prior to your appointment, create a budget detailing how much you spend every month on items such as housing, food, clothing, personal grooming, gifts, vacations, etc. If you have children, and expect to be their primary caretaker, make sure you factor their costs into your budget.
* Legal documents. Bring copies of prior or pending lawsuits, bankruptcy suits, judgments, and garnishments.
* What you want to get out of your divorce. Be very specific about your goals in terms of division of property and other assets, custody and visitation, and support payments. Telling your lawyer that "I just want my fair share," or "I want to take that cheating louse to the cleaners!" will not help him or her to assess your case.
Should I handle my own divorce?
People are attracted to do-it-yourself (also known as Pro Se, which is a Latin phrase meaning "for yourself") divorces because they are supposed to save both time and money. Unfortunately, most divorces are relatively complicated -- involving complex property transfers and their tax implications; plus the issues of support, custody, and access if children or an unemployed spouse are involved. You'll also have to be able to prove grounds for your own divorce.
If you want to try the pro se route, there are some resources available to help you. Check with your local community college, adult education center, or community center to see if they offer classes on divorce. There are some low-cost legal clinics that will fill out your forms and review your separation agreement to make sure the paperwork is complete before it's filed with the court.
"Lay people can get themselves into more trouble when they try to handle their own divorce because they don't know the procedural ropes, where to file, etc.," cautions Connolly Oyler, a family lawyer and past-president of the Santa Monica Bar Association in California. "They also don't know substantively what they're entitled to. There are a hundred and one pitfalls."
If you do create your separation agreement yourselves, both you and your spouse should each retain an independent lawyer to check all papers before signing -- even if the divorce is "friendly" and you think your agreement is very straightforward.
A quality do-it-yourself kit or book will provide a good introduction to the divorce process. If your divorce is very simple and completely uncontested, a kit may be all you need. But if things turn nasty, or you suspect your spouse is trying to trick you into agreeing to a settlement that really isn't in your best interests, you'll need to consult a lawyer -- who may have to charge you even more money to undo what you did prior to retaining him/her.
For more articles on asistance with the correct divorce lawyer, visit http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Divorce_Lawyers
How to find a family lawyer tailor-made to suit your divorce's unique needs.
By Diana Shepherd
"So far, Jane's divorce has cost us about $120,000. It'll probably be closer to $150,000 by the time the dust settles." Micheal, a Chicago-based architect, is speaking about his fiancee's extremely bitter split with her ex-husband. "We hired the best divorce lawyer money could buy, and it was worth every penny," he asserts forcefully.
On the other side of the coin is Susan, an assistant editor at a Toronto newspaper. "We each entered the marriage with nothing, and we left with nothing," says Susan. "No kids, no money, no investments, no assets. Since we managed to remain on good terms throughout our separation, we opted for a do-it-yourself divorce. Our divorce agreement basically consisted of us saying, 'You take the microwave, I'll take the TV set'," she adds.
If you're like most separated North Americans, your situation is probably somewhere between Jane's and Susan's: you've acquired some assets -- or children -- during your marriage, and you and your ex are relatively civil to one another most of the time. You've also probably never had occasion to retain a divorce lawyer before, and may have no idea how to go about finding the divorce lawyer who's right for you.
The search begins
"Unfortunately, many people spend less time searching for a family lawyer to handle their divorce than they do shopping for a new car, home, or apartment," says Lester Wallman, a partner in the New York family-law firm Wallman, Greenberg, Gasman, & McKnight and the author of Cupid, Couples & Contracts: A Guide to Living Together, Prenuptial Agreements, and Divorce (Mastermedia). "It's shocking when you consider that their future, money, property, and the custody and support of their children may be forever affected by the quality of the divorce lawyer they choose."
More information on divorce lawyers:
Choose the Best Lawyer
Your Divorce Team
A Solid Relationship
Your Divorce Lawyer: Who's In Control?
The A-Team
Finding the right divorce lawyer is critical for your divorce and you can begin your search by talking to those you know: ask for recommendations from a close friend or family member (your friends and your family -- not your spouse's) who have been through divorce themselves. If you can't get any personal recommendations, there are professional organizations that offer family-lawyer referral services, such as The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (312-263-6477, www.aaml.org), The American Bar Association -- Family Law Section (800-454-8432 or 312-263-6477, www.abanet.org), and The Law Society of Upper Canada (800-268-8326 or 416-947-3330, www.lsuc.on.ca). Ask for two or three names of local lawyers who devote their practice to family law. Also, check your phonebook for the number of your local Bar Association.
Visit a library and take a look at the "Martindale-Hubbell" -- a seven-volume compendium of lawyers categorized by state and ability. Read the biographies, and make sure the attorneys you select specialize in matrimonial or family law. You could also visit a courthouse in order to see lawyers in action; call the clerk's office to obtain dates and locations of cases and hearings.
"How much" lawyer do you actually need? The best (and most expensive) litigator money can buy, or someone who can handle the whole thing quickly and inexpensively? Is it important to find a lawyer who's "compatible" with you: one who understands and respects your thoughts and feelings about your divorce? Or can -- and more importantly, should -- you handle your divorce yourself?
Your answers to these questions will be determined by your own unique circumstances. Here are some basic guidelines to help put you on the right track.
Finding a divorce lawyer
Choosing which divorce lawyer will represent you may be the most important decision you'll make during your divorce proceedings. As in any profession, there are good divorce lawyers and bad divorce lawyers. It's up to you to do your homework -- and to ask the right questions -- to determine which group your family attorney falls into.
"The ideal family lawyer lets you participate in a discussion about your situation and is not afraid to tell you at the outset advice and information you may not want to hear," states Michael Cochrane, a Toronto-based family lawyer and divorce mediator with Ricketts Harris, and the author of Surviving Your Divorce: A Guide to Canadian Family Law (John Wiley Canada, 1999). "After spending 30 minutes with this divorce lawyer, you can answer three questions: Do I feel comfortable with this person? Do I respect his or her opinion? Does this person respect mine?"
Look for someone who:
* Practices matrimonial or family law. A divorce lawyer who specializes in taxation, even if he or she's your best friend, isn't going to be much help to you.
* Can work with other professionals. As a family-law attorney, he or she must be able to work with accountants, appraisers, and other expert witnesses to track down and evaluate assets.
* Has a lot of experience. If your divorce lawyer is fresh out of law school, make sure he or she has an experienced mentor at the firm -- one with an excellent knowledge of relevant divorce law -- to go over his/her cases.
* Is a skilled negotiator. If your case can be settled without a protracted court battle, you'll probably save a great deal of time, trouble, and money.
* Is firm. If you do end up going to court, you don't want your divorce lawyer to crumble at the first obstacle.
* Is reasonable. You want someone who'll advise you to settle if the offer is fair, and not to have the case drag on and on to satisfy your need for revenge.
* Is compatible with you. You don't have to become best friends, but you must be comfortable enough with your lawyer to be able to tell him or her some of your deepest, darkest secrets. If you can't bring yourself to disclose information relevant to the case, you'll be putting your lawyer at an extreme disadvantage. "It's important to find a family lawyer you can work with -- one who's on your wavelength," confirms James C. MacDonald, a partner in the family law practice of MacDonald & Partners in Toronto and founding chairman of the national family law section of the Canadian Bar Association. Your family lawyer isn't your therapist or confessor, but he or she does need to be aware of all pertinent facts in order to do a good job for you.
* Is totally candid. Your lawyer should be up-front about what he or she thinks your divorce will cost, if there are holes or any problems with your case, and whether or not you have any aces up your sleeve.
* Is not in conflict with your best interests. Don't share a divorce lawyer with your spouse; don't hire your spouse's best friend (even if he's a friend of yours, too), business partner, or any member of your spouse's family to represent you -- even if you're on good terms with them. Aside from the obvious conflict of interest involved, you'll have created enemies -- and probably a whole new family feud -- before your divorce settles.
* Is more than a pretty face. This may seem painfully obvious, but given our frail human nature, it bears noting here: don't choose a lawyer based on physical attractiveness. You're looking for competence -- not for a date on Saturday night.
Choose a Specialist
In each divorce, different issues come up that require special attention; so it is best to find a divorce lawyer who concentrates on the specific issues that may arise in your divorce. Here are some examples:
* Men's/Fathers' Rights. "To find a good fathers'-rights lawyer, my first piece of advice would be to pick up the Yellow Pages," says Henry James Koehler, a leading Beverly Hills fathers'-rights lawyer. "Call every lawyer listed under 'divorce' and ask them if they win custody for fathers. If they say 'yes', ask them for a consultation." Koehler also suggests asking them for phone numbers of their clients so you can call them to share ideas and problems and to learn the technique of this particular lawyer. "Ask questions like: 'Does he settle? Does he fight? Does he build a team out of himself and the client?'" Koehler advises. Some lawyers, however won't provide clients referrals in order to protect their clients' privacy.
* Women's/Mothers' Rights. As a woman, you may have the right to a share of the assets (including your husband's pension), the family business, or property attained during the the marriage, whether you worked outside the home or not. "A women's-rights attorney can help women get past the gender stereotypes to ensure they receive their fair share," says Arlene Coleman-Schwimmer of the Beverly Hills law firm Coleman-Schwimmer & Warren. "A women's right lawyer knows the language and the issues and has the experience to get past the barriers that women face in divorce."
* Custody. If you believe custody of your children will become a major battle, then going to a lawyer who concentrates on custody issues is very important. "Finding a lawyer that has an expertise in child custody will help achieve the most favorable outcome," says Susan Cartier, a partner in the Connecticut firm Cartier and De Matteo. "You want someone who has the experience and a good working knowledge of the law surrounding custody. Without this knowledge of the specific legal process the children involved could be negatively impacted."
* Small Business. If one or both of you owns a small business, you should "seek a lawyer or a firm that has knowledge of businesses and corporations as well as family law," says Gemma Allen, a partner in the Chicago law firm Ladden & Allen. "Having the knowledge will guarantee that you get your fair share. Your lawyer will have to look at the worth of the business, cash flow versus debt, and evaluate corporate partnerships, real estate, and your liability."
* International. If your divorce deals with out of state/country property, or if there is a threat of having your child removed from the country, hiring a family lawyer who knows international divorce law and policies is essential. "Not every lawyer can handle cases such as these," says Lawrence Bloom, a New York divorce lawyer who regularly handles international cases. "You need someone who has the experience and the knowledge of other countries' divorce laws and views on custody and property."
* Bankruptcy. If one or both of you is facing bankruptcy, hiring a divorce lawyer who understands bankruptcy law can save you lots of time and money. "When bankruptcy occurs within a divorce, it can complicate things," says David Neale, of the Los Angeles family-law firm Levene, Neale, Bender and Rankin. "You will want someone who has the know-how to serve your best interests -- and that includes knowing the law around bankruptcy to ensure that your case isn't put on hold due to the federal matters."
Little firm, big firm
You also need to decide whether you'd like to be represented by a sole practitioner or a full-service family-law firm. Your choice will be partially dictated by your spouse's choice: if the divorce is relatively easy and friendly, you can probably agree on what kind of representation you need. If the divorce is very bitter; if there are children, money, or large assets at stake; or if your spouse is just plain "out to get you", consider hiring a "top gun" -- whether that be a well-respected individual or a team of lawyers at a prestigious firm.
The main advantage to hiring a sole practitioner is that you know exactly who will be working on your case; in bigger firms, the lawyer you speak to initially may not be the one who does the bulk of the work on your case. You will get to know your sole practitioner well, which should make office visits or phone conversations a little more comfortable.
"Many people prefer to have this kind of one-on-one relationship with their lawyer," says Lois Brenner, a Manhattan divorce lawyer and co-author of Getting Your Fair Share (Crown Publishers). "Divorce is a very personal and psychological thing. Having a closer connection with a family lawyer allows a client to feel comfortable and offers him or her the chance to give input." A sole practitioner will usually be less expensive than a big family-law firm, although some top practitioners can be quite pricey.
If you're looking for a divorce law firm to represent you, remember that they come in all types and sizes. A firm can be three lawyers and a few paralegals, or 100 lawyers and more than 20 paralegals. You can hire a general practice firm that deals with various areas of the law and has a smaller department that handles divorce and family law, or a matrimonial firm that handles only matrimonial matters. "In this world of specialization, it can be essential to have an attorney or firm that deals with family-law cases on a regular basis," says Bernard Rinella, a Fellow of the AAML and a partner in Rinella and Rinella, one of the oldest matrimonial law firms in Illinois. "A general practitioner wouldn't know the everyday workings of divorce law that a matrimonial attorney would deal with daily."
Donald Schiller of Schiller, DuCanto and Fleck, the largest family-law firm in the US, agrees. "In a divorce, there's a lot at stake and a lot of issues. Having a family-law firm allows a client to have a huge fund of knowledge and several divorce lawyers to back them up on every aspect of divorce law."
A full-service firm can give you access to specialists in other fields if your case requires it. "You can get everything done in-house," says Malcolm Kronby, a Certified Specialist in Family Law practicing at Epstein Cole and the author of Canadian Family Law (Stoddart Publishing, 1997). A full-service firm can handle complications such as shareholders' agreements, business organization or reorganization, tax-driven settlements (including asset transfers), establishment of family trusts, real-estate transfers, or estate planning. There may be a number of people handling your case at a big firm, which has its own set of pros and cons. One advantage is that you get the experience of a senior lawyer while lower-priced associates, paralegals, and legal secretaries handle some of the standard elements of your case, saving you money.
But most importantly, Cartier stresses the importance of looking at your individual divorce lawyer's ability handle your case. "Size doesn't always matter," she says. "If your particular lawyer listens to your wants and needs and does all he can to achieve them, it doesn't matter if he is with a law firm of two or of fifty."
The initial interview
The outcome of your divorce proceedings will change the course of your life forever, so invest the time and money to find the lawyer who will do the best job for you. "When looking for a lawyer, you should interview two or three prospective professionals before deciding who'll represent you," advises Phyllis Soloman, a New York City lawyer and the former president of the National Conference of the Women's Bar Association. Remember: it's your responsibility to retain a lawyer who's not only good at his or her job, but one whose personality and outlook are compatible with yours.
Here are the questions you should ask during your initial interview:
* Do you practice family law exclusively? If not, what percentage of your practice is family law?
* How long have you been practicing?
* What is your retainer (the initial fee paid -- or, sometimes, the actual contract you sign -- to officially hire a divorce attorney)? Is this fee refundable? What is your hourly fee?
* What is your billing technique? You should know what you're paying for, how often you will be billed, and at what rates.
* Approximately how much will my divorce cost? The divorce attorney will only be able to provide an estimate based on the information you provide -- and your realistic estimation of how amicable you and you spouse are. If you think your case is extremely simple, but your spouse's divorce lawyer buries your family attorney in paperwork, you can expect your costs to increase.
* What do you think the outcome will be? Remember, you're looking for truthfulness here -- not to be told a pretty story.
* If your spouse has retained a lawyer, ask your prospective lawyer whether he or she knows this lawyer. If so, ask:"Have you worked with him or her before? Do you think the divorce lawyer will work to settle the case? And is there anything that would prevent you from working against this lawyer?"
* What percentage of your cases go to trial? You actually want to choose a family-law attorney with a low percentage here -- a good negotiator who can settle your case without a long, expensive court battle.
* Are you willing and able to go to court if this case can't be settled any other way?
* How long will this process take? (Again, the answer will be an approximation.)
* What are my rights, and what are my obligations during this process?
* At a full-service firm, ask who will be handling the case: the lawyer you're interviewing, an associate, or a combination of senior and junior lawyers and paralegals?
* Should I consider mediation? Ask if your case -- at least in the initial stages -- might be a good one for mediation. If there has been violence in the relationship, or one spouse is seriously intimidated by the other, this may not be a viable alternative.
* Should I consider Collaborative Law? "In a collaborative practice, the clients themselves conduct settlement negotiations with their lawyers acting as advisors to the clients instead of taking charge of the process," explains MacDonald, who is the founder and current president of the Toronto Collaborative Family Law Group. "Each party has to find a collaborative lawyer to represent him or her." MacDonald recommends Collaborative Law for most divorce cases -- except when violence or vengeance is involved.
* What happens now? Do I need to do anything? And when will I hear from you? Finally, if there's something you really need to know, or if you don't understand something the lawyer said, don't be afraid to ask for clarification. "There's no such thing as a stupid question," says Susan Cartier. "If there is something you want to know, ask. It's your life on the line." Bring a list of questions with you to the initial interview; that way, you'll know if all of your concerns have been handled.
Sometimes, despite their best efforts, people end up choosing the wrong lawyers. "Normally, a client will gravitate to the lawyer who will fulfill his or her needs -- whether that be for a tough litigator or low-key negotiator," observes David Wildstein, who heads the matrimonial practice at Wilentz, Goldman & Spitzer in NJ. If it's clear that you've chosen the wrong lawyer, he says, don't compound the problem by sticking with them to the bitter end. "You'll either prolong the process unnecessarily, or end up with an unacceptable settlement," says Wildstein.
What your divorce lawyer needs to know
You'll also need to provide information to your prospective lawyer during your initial interview. The better prepared you are for this meeting, the more you'll get out of it. Just as you're searching for the ideal divorce lawyer, the lawyer is hoping you'll be the ideal client: calm, businesslike, competent, and well prepared. "Ideal clients are organized; are willing to work together with me to attain their goals; and are willing to listen to my advice, pay their bills on time, and settle if possible, instead of tapping into their children's college fund," says Soloman.
Of course every case is unique, but the following checklist will give you an idea of what information your lawyer is looking for during your first meeting. You need to disclose:
* Why you are seeking a divorce. What caused your breakup? Are you sure you want to end the marriage, or is the visit to a lawyer meant to be a wake-up call to your spouse? "You need to be sure that you actually want a divorce," says Wildstein. "If you're secretly hoping for a reconciliation, then you and your lawyer are working towards different goals."
* Personal data. Bring as much personal data about you, your spouse, and your children (if any) as you can gather. Write down your names (maiden name too, if applicable); your home and work addresses and telephone numbers; your ages and places of birth; your Social Security Numbers; your states of health -- both mental and physical; your Green Card(s) and immigration papers (if applicable).
* Facts about your marriage. When and where did you get married? Did you sign a prenuptial agreement? If so, bring a copy of the agreement with you. Have either of you been married before? Bring the details of your previous divorce(s) with you.
* If there was there any abuse in the marriage. Your lawyer will need to know if you were ever a victim or a perpetrator of abuse. Despite the fear you may have revealing this kind of information, your silence will prevent your lawyer from doing his or her job in representing you. Knowing about the abuse also allows your lawyer to acquire orders of protection for you and your children.
* Whether there will be custody or access issues. Do you have children, and are there issues that will involve them -- such as custody, joint custody, and access? "If so, be prepared to discuss these issues in some detail on your first visit to your lawyer," says Philip Epstein, senior partner at Epstein Cole in Toronto. "This is more important than financial information, because until you know what's happening with regard to the children, you can't plan anything with respect to your settlement." Kronby agrees, but notes that "some couples are able to defer custody issues and get the financial issues out of the way first."
* Financial information. What assets and debts did each of you bring into the marriage? What are your incomes and what are your expenses -- jointly and individually? What are the names and addresses of your employers? How much money do both of you have invested: in the bank, the stock market, etc.? Has either of you invested in insurance or a pension plan? What property do you own (a house, car, boat, income property, etc.)? Was the property purchased before or after the marriage? Do you have a mortgage, and how much is still owed? Prior to your appointment, create a budget detailing how much you spend every month on items such as housing, food, clothing, personal grooming, gifts, vacations, etc. If you have children, and expect to be their primary caretaker, make sure you factor their costs into your budget.
* Legal documents. Bring copies of prior or pending lawsuits, bankruptcy suits, judgments, and garnishments.
* What you want to get out of your divorce. Be very specific about your goals in terms of division of property and other assets, custody and visitation, and support payments. Telling your lawyer that "I just want my fair share," or "I want to take that cheating louse to the cleaners!" will not help him or her to assess your case.
Should I handle my own divorce?
People are attracted to do-it-yourself (also known as Pro Se, which is a Latin phrase meaning "for yourself") divorces because they are supposed to save both time and money. Unfortunately, most divorces are relatively complicated -- involving complex property transfers and their tax implications; plus the issues of support, custody, and access if children or an unemployed spouse are involved. You'll also have to be able to prove grounds for your own divorce.
If you want to try the pro se route, there are some resources available to help you. Check with your local community college, adult education center, or community center to see if they offer classes on divorce. There are some low-cost legal clinics that will fill out your forms and review your separation agreement to make sure the paperwork is complete before it's filed with the court.
"Lay people can get themselves into more trouble when they try to handle their own divorce because they don't know the procedural ropes, where to file, etc.," cautions Connolly Oyler, a family lawyer and past-president of the Santa Monica Bar Association in California. "They also don't know substantively what they're entitled to. There are a hundred and one pitfalls."
If you do create your separation agreement yourselves, both you and your spouse should each retain an independent lawyer to check all papers before signing -- even if the divorce is "friendly" and you think your agreement is very straightforward.
A quality do-it-yourself kit or book will provide a good introduction to the divorce process. If your divorce is very simple and completely uncontested, a kit may be all you need. But if things turn nasty, or you suspect your spouse is trying to trick you into agreeing to a settlement that really isn't in your best interests, you'll need to consult a lawyer -- who may have to charge you even more money to undo what you did prior to retaining him/her.
For more articles on asistance with the correct divorce lawyer, visit http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Divorce_Lawyers
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Georgia finally catches up with technology
Georgia finally catches up with technology! Pleadings can be served electronically via pdf format. Download the law in pdf format here. www.tiny.cc/zri25
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Is Facebook becoming a 'tool' for cheating spouses?
By the CNN Wire Staff
(CNN) -- Ken Savage says that, at first, he welcomed his wife's new interest in Facebook.
She had recently recovered from a bout with depression and dependence on prescription drugs, and he thought reconnecting with old friends would help get her out of her rut. But he says he became increasingly suspicious of her social networking activity when she began hiding her computer screen when he entered the room.
Savage soon discovered his wife was using the site to meet up with an old boyfriend -- an increasingly common occurrence as more and more adults join Facebook.
Savage, 38, of Lowell, Massachusetts, is the creator of FacebookCheating.com, a website he started in 2009 shortly after he discovered his wife's affair in an effort "to help others cope with someone cheating on them as well as shine light upon someone who is using Facebook to cheat."
A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.
Another recent survey by Divorce-Online.com of more than 5,000 attorneys says Facebook is mentioned in about 20 percent of divorce cases.
"As everyone continues to share more and more aspects of their lives on social networking sites, they leave themselves open to much greater examinations of both their public and private lives in these sensitive situations," Marlene Eskind Moses, president of the AAML, said in a statement of the survey's results.
Savage, who says he has nothing against Facebook and uses it regularly to connect with childhood friends, told HLN's "Prime News" Wednesday that the networking site is simply "a tool for an affair."
He says that if there is trouble within a marriage or a relationship, "the affair's going to happen anyway," but Facebook "makes it much easier."
Stacey Kaiser, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, says she estimates Facebook plays a much larger factor in divorces
"It's not just your everyday affair," Kaiser told "Prime News." "When it comes to something like Facebook, you are reconnecting with a long-lost love. All those teenage feelings, those college feelings come back again, you feel young again, and it drives you to do something you don't normally do."
Savage, who is separated and living apart from his wife, says communication with your spouse is key to keeping your Facebook page as a place to network, not coordinate illicit rendezvous.
"In the beginning when we first got on Facebook, we would openly talk" about shared friends' new babies and other milestones posted on the site, Savage told HLN.
"When it got real quiet, that was the problem," he said.
Brenda Wade, a clinical therapist whose self-proclaimed mission is to cut the divorce rate by half, says the mistake most couples make is placing priorities on material things rather than partnership.
"We need to put that energy, that time, that money into the relationship," she told "Prime News." "That's where you want to feel the excitement and the rush."
(CNN) -- Ken Savage says that, at first, he welcomed his wife's new interest in Facebook.
She had recently recovered from a bout with depression and dependence on prescription drugs, and he thought reconnecting with old friends would help get her out of her rut. But he says he became increasingly suspicious of her social networking activity when she began hiding her computer screen when he entered the room.
Savage soon discovered his wife was using the site to meet up with an old boyfriend -- an increasingly common occurrence as more and more adults join Facebook.
Savage, 38, of Lowell, Massachusetts, is the creator of FacebookCheating.com, a website he started in 2009 shortly after he discovered his wife's affair in an effort "to help others cope with someone cheating on them as well as shine light upon someone who is using Facebook to cheat."
A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.
Another recent survey by Divorce-Online.com of more than 5,000 attorneys says Facebook is mentioned in about 20 percent of divorce cases.
"As everyone continues to share more and more aspects of their lives on social networking sites, they leave themselves open to much greater examinations of both their public and private lives in these sensitive situations," Marlene Eskind Moses, president of the AAML, said in a statement of the survey's results.
Savage, who says he has nothing against Facebook and uses it regularly to connect with childhood friends, told HLN's "Prime News" Wednesday that the networking site is simply "a tool for an affair."
He says that if there is trouble within a marriage or a relationship, "the affair's going to happen anyway," but Facebook "makes it much easier."
Stacey Kaiser, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, says she estimates Facebook plays a much larger factor in divorces
"It's not just your everyday affair," Kaiser told "Prime News." "When it comes to something like Facebook, you are reconnecting with a long-lost love. All those teenage feelings, those college feelings come back again, you feel young again, and it drives you to do something you don't normally do."
Savage, who is separated and living apart from his wife, says communication with your spouse is key to keeping your Facebook page as a place to network, not coordinate illicit rendezvous.
"In the beginning when we first got on Facebook, we would openly talk" about shared friends' new babies and other milestones posted on the site, Savage told HLN.
"When it got real quiet, that was the problem," he said.
Brenda Wade, a clinical therapist whose self-proclaimed mission is to cut the divorce rate by half, says the mistake most couples make is placing priorities on material things rather than partnership.
"We need to put that energy, that time, that money into the relationship," she told "Prime News." "That's where you want to feel the excitement and the rush."
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Facebook is divorce lawyers' new best friend
Facebook is divorce lawyers' new best friend
Whatever you share online can (and will) be used against you in court
by Leanne Italie
Forgot to de-friend your wife on Facebook while posting vacation shots of your mistress? Her divorce lawyer will be thrilled.
Oversharing on social networks has led to an overabundance of evidence in divorce cases. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites, including YouTube and LinkedIn, over the last five years.
"Oh, I've had some fun ones," said Linda Lea Viken, president-elect of the 1,600-member group. "It's very, very common in my new cases."
Facebook is the unrivaled leader for turning virtual reality into real-life divorce drama, Viken said. Sixty-six percent of the lawyers surveyed cited Facebook foibles as the source of online evidence, she said. MySpace followed with 15 percent, followed by Twitter at 5 percent.
About one in five adults uses Facebook for flirting, according to a 2008 report by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. But it's not just kissy pix with the manstress or mistress that show up as evidence. Think of Dad forcing son to de-friend mom, bolstering her alienation of affection claim against him.
"This sort of evidence has gone from nothing to a large percentage of my cases coming in, and it's pretty darn easy," Viken said. "It's like, 'Are you kidding me?'"
Neither Viken, in Rapid City, S.D., nor other divorce attorneys would besmirch the attorney-client privilege by revealing the identities of clients, but they spoke in broad terms about some of the goofs they've encountered:
— Husband goes on Match.com and declares his single, childless status while seeking primary custody of said nonexistent children.
— Husband denies anger management issues but posts on Facebook in his "write something about yourself" section: "If you have the balls to get in my face, I'll kick your ass into submission."
— Father seeks custody of the kids, claiming (among other things) that his ex-wife never attends the events of their young ones. Subpoenaed evidence from the gaming site World of Warcraft tracks her there with her boyfriend at the precise time she was supposed to be out with the children. Mom loves Facebook's Farmville, too, at all the wrong times.
— Mom denies in court that she smokes marijuana but posts partying, pot-smoking photos of herself on Facebook.
The disconnect between real life and online is hardly unique to partners de-coupling in the United States. A DIY divorce site in the United Kingdom, Divorce-Online, reported the word "Facebook" appeared late last year in about one in five of the petitions it was handling. (The company's caseload now amounts to about 7,000.)
Divorce attorneys Ken and Leslie Matthews, a husband and wife team in Denver, Colo., don't see quite as many online gems. They estimated 1 in 10 of their cases involves such evidence, compared to a rare case or no cases at all in each of the last three years. Regardless, it's powerful evidence to plunk down before a judge, they said.
"You're finding information that you just never get in the normal discovery process — ever," Leslie Matthews said. "People are just blabbing things all over Facebook. People don't yet quite connect what they're saying in their divorce cases is completely different from what they're saying on Facebook. It doesn't even occur to them that they'd be found out."
Social networks are also ripe for divorce-related hate and smear campaigns among battling spousal camps, sometimes spawning legal cases of their own.
"It's all pretty good evidence," Viken said. "You can't really fake a page off of Facebook. The judges don't really have any problems letting it in."
The attorneys offer these tips for making sure your out-loud personal life online doesn't wind up in divorce court:
What you say can and will be held against you
If you plan on lying under oath, don't load up social networks with evidence to the contrary.
"We tell our clients when they come in, 'I want to see your Facebook page. I want you to remember that the judge can read that stuff so never write anything you don't want the judge to hear,'" Viken said.
Beware your frenemies
Going through a divorce is about as emotional as it gets for many couples. The desire to talk trash is great, but so is the pull for friends to take sides.
"They think these people can help get them through it," said Marlene Eskind Moses, a family law expert in Nashville, Tenn., and current president of the elite academy of divorce attorneys. "It's the worst possible time to share your feelings online."
A picture may be worth ... big bucks
Grown-ups on a good day should know better than to post boozy, carousing or sexually explicit photos of themselves online, but in the middle of a contentious divorce? Ken Matthews recalls photos of a client's partially naked estranged wife alongside pictures of their kids on Facebook.
"He was hearing bizarre stories from his kids. Guys around the house all the time. Men running in and out. And there were these pictures," Matthews said.
Privacy, privacy, privacy
They're called privacy settings for a reason. Find them. Get to know them. Use them. Keep up when Facebook decides to change them.
Viken tells a familiar story: A client accused her spouse of adultery and he denied it in court. "The guy testified he didn't have a relationship with this woman. They were just friends. The girlfriend hadn't put security on her page and there they were. 'Gee judge, who lied to you?'"
Whatever you share online can (and will) be used against you in court
by Leanne Italie
Forgot to de-friend your wife on Facebook while posting vacation shots of your mistress? Her divorce lawyer will be thrilled.
Oversharing on social networks has led to an overabundance of evidence in divorce cases. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites, including YouTube and LinkedIn, over the last five years.
"Oh, I've had some fun ones," said Linda Lea Viken, president-elect of the 1,600-member group. "It's very, very common in my new cases."
Facebook is the unrivaled leader for turning virtual reality into real-life divorce drama, Viken said. Sixty-six percent of the lawyers surveyed cited Facebook foibles as the source of online evidence, she said. MySpace followed with 15 percent, followed by Twitter at 5 percent.
About one in five adults uses Facebook for flirting, according to a 2008 report by the Pew Internet and American Life Project. But it's not just kissy pix with the manstress or mistress that show up as evidence. Think of Dad forcing son to de-friend mom, bolstering her alienation of affection claim against him.
"This sort of evidence has gone from nothing to a large percentage of my cases coming in, and it's pretty darn easy," Viken said. "It's like, 'Are you kidding me?'"
Neither Viken, in Rapid City, S.D., nor other divorce attorneys would besmirch the attorney-client privilege by revealing the identities of clients, but they spoke in broad terms about some of the goofs they've encountered:
— Husband goes on Match.com and declares his single, childless status while seeking primary custody of said nonexistent children.
— Husband denies anger management issues but posts on Facebook in his "write something about yourself" section: "If you have the balls to get in my face, I'll kick your ass into submission."
— Father seeks custody of the kids, claiming (among other things) that his ex-wife never attends the events of their young ones. Subpoenaed evidence from the gaming site World of Warcraft tracks her there with her boyfriend at the precise time she was supposed to be out with the children. Mom loves Facebook's Farmville, too, at all the wrong times.
— Mom denies in court that she smokes marijuana but posts partying, pot-smoking photos of herself on Facebook.
The disconnect between real life and online is hardly unique to partners de-coupling in the United States. A DIY divorce site in the United Kingdom, Divorce-Online, reported the word "Facebook" appeared late last year in about one in five of the petitions it was handling. (The company's caseload now amounts to about 7,000.)
Divorce attorneys Ken and Leslie Matthews, a husband and wife team in Denver, Colo., don't see quite as many online gems. They estimated 1 in 10 of their cases involves such evidence, compared to a rare case or no cases at all in each of the last three years. Regardless, it's powerful evidence to plunk down before a judge, they said.
"You're finding information that you just never get in the normal discovery process — ever," Leslie Matthews said. "People are just blabbing things all over Facebook. People don't yet quite connect what they're saying in their divorce cases is completely different from what they're saying on Facebook. It doesn't even occur to them that they'd be found out."
Social networks are also ripe for divorce-related hate and smear campaigns among battling spousal camps, sometimes spawning legal cases of their own.
"It's all pretty good evidence," Viken said. "You can't really fake a page off of Facebook. The judges don't really have any problems letting it in."
The attorneys offer these tips for making sure your out-loud personal life online doesn't wind up in divorce court:
What you say can and will be held against you
If you plan on lying under oath, don't load up social networks with evidence to the contrary.
"We tell our clients when they come in, 'I want to see your Facebook page. I want you to remember that the judge can read that stuff so never write anything you don't want the judge to hear,'" Viken said.
Beware your frenemies
Going through a divorce is about as emotional as it gets for many couples. The desire to talk trash is great, but so is the pull for friends to take sides.
"They think these people can help get them through it," said Marlene Eskind Moses, a family law expert in Nashville, Tenn., and current president of the elite academy of divorce attorneys. "It's the worst possible time to share your feelings online."
A picture may be worth ... big bucks
Grown-ups on a good day should know better than to post boozy, carousing or sexually explicit photos of themselves online, but in the middle of a contentious divorce? Ken Matthews recalls photos of a client's partially naked estranged wife alongside pictures of their kids on Facebook.
"He was hearing bizarre stories from his kids. Guys around the house all the time. Men running in and out. And there were these pictures," Matthews said.
Privacy, privacy, privacy
They're called privacy settings for a reason. Find them. Get to know them. Use them. Keep up when Facebook decides to change them.
Viken tells a familiar story: A client accused her spouse of adultery and he denied it in court. "The guy testified he didn't have a relationship with this woman. They were just friends. The girlfriend hadn't put security on her page and there they were. 'Gee judge, who lied to you?'"
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Mr. Moms become more common
Mr. Moms become more common
By Lauren Russell, CNN
June 20, 2010 7:48 a.m. EDT
Atlanta, Georgia (CNN) -- Atlanta radio personality Jimmy Baron describes the events that left him unemployed as a perfect storm. In 2006, the radio station where he had worked for 13 years was bought and the new owner cut his pay by 60 percent.
He quit and began looking for work. A few offers came in, but not what he was looking for. Then, the nation's economy tanked, and -- for the next three years -- all the offers dried up.
Baron describes that period as horrendous, emasculating, one of the worst of his life.
Finally, late last year, he got the offer he was looking for as a morning DJ at a classic rock station in Atlanta. But on his first day back in the workforce, he realized there was a downside to the new job -- he hadn't been in the house when his son woke up, and he missed his old role of Mr. Mom.
While unemployed, Baron and his wife, who worked from home, had been equal caregivers.
"You get to know a child on a completely different level," he said about the hours he spent each day with 3-year-old Micah.
As women's pay has approached -- and sometimes exceeded -- that of men, Mr. Moms lounging at the playground are becoming more common.
Fathers are the primary caregivers for about a quarter of the nation's 11.2 million preschoolers whose mothers work, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that 8.6 million men were unemployed in May, 34 percent more than the 6.4 million women. The Great Depression was the last time men's unemployment figures were that much higher than those for women, said Stephanie Coontz, the director of research and public education for the Council on Contemporary Families. The Chicago, Illinois-based organization describes itself as a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to providing the press and public with the latest research and best-practice findings about American families.
And during the 1930s, when housework was considered women's work by many, even unemployed men tended to be less involved in homemaking and child care, she said.
But early data suggest that men aren't rejecting homemaking at the same rates in this downturn, she said.
And some men are leaving the work force by choice. An estimated 158,000 married fathers with children younger than 15 left the labor force for at least a year to care for their family while their wives went to work, according to a Census Bureau report based on data from last year.
But a father being at home more -- whether by choice or, like Baron, because he has no alternative -- can be a hard thing for the man as well as the outside world to accept. Neighbors wonder when the man will quit babysitting and get a real job, and teachers still address childrearing concerns to the woman, Coontz said. Finally, women tend to have a hard time viewing their husbands as equals and not just assistants in the home, she said.
"It's because we have had, for 150 years, emphasis on men as experts, as breadwinners, and women as experts on nurturing," Coontz said.
During his three years off the job, Baron said, he found it difficult to answer the inevitable question, "So, what do you do?" in social situations. He also found it difficult to get used to being the only man when he and Micah joined his friends at at the pool or park.
During one of those long afternoons, he vowed that he would help other Mr. Moms when he returned to a job. Recently, he launched monthly "Dads between Gigs" get-togethers for care-giving dads and their children.
"Regardless of how dads end up in the situation of being caregiver, whether they choose it or not, it's still kind of a mom's world taking care of kids all day," Baron said. The events are a good way for men to get their needed guy time, he said.
Coontz said that a father becoming more involved with his children is a positive thing for everyone involved.
"Boys are more empathetic, and girls grow up more confident in their ability to tackle nonstereotype fields, like math or science," Coontz said about children with involved dads.
The best family dynamics develop when a wife and husband share the roles of caregiver and breadwinner, Coontz said. Partners who share responsibilities tend to have more stable marriages than do parents who play exclusive roles, she said.
It's healthy for both partners to have a life in and out of the house, and it's good for the children to see that as well, she said.
Coontz said men may want to consider another incentive in deciding whether to lend a hand with the laundry: Women tend to feel more intimate when their partners are involved with childcare and housework.
By Lauren Russell, CNN
June 20, 2010 7:48 a.m. EDT
Atlanta, Georgia (CNN) -- Atlanta radio personality Jimmy Baron describes the events that left him unemployed as a perfect storm. In 2006, the radio station where he had worked for 13 years was bought and the new owner cut his pay by 60 percent.
He quit and began looking for work. A few offers came in, but not what he was looking for. Then, the nation's economy tanked, and -- for the next three years -- all the offers dried up.
Baron describes that period as horrendous, emasculating, one of the worst of his life.
Finally, late last year, he got the offer he was looking for as a morning DJ at a classic rock station in Atlanta. But on his first day back in the workforce, he realized there was a downside to the new job -- he hadn't been in the house when his son woke up, and he missed his old role of Mr. Mom.
While unemployed, Baron and his wife, who worked from home, had been equal caregivers.
"You get to know a child on a completely different level," he said about the hours he spent each day with 3-year-old Micah.
As women's pay has approached -- and sometimes exceeded -- that of men, Mr. Moms lounging at the playground are becoming more common.
Fathers are the primary caregivers for about a quarter of the nation's 11.2 million preschoolers whose mothers work, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that 8.6 million men were unemployed in May, 34 percent more than the 6.4 million women. The Great Depression was the last time men's unemployment figures were that much higher than those for women, said Stephanie Coontz, the director of research and public education for the Council on Contemporary Families. The Chicago, Illinois-based organization describes itself as a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to providing the press and public with the latest research and best-practice findings about American families.
And during the 1930s, when housework was considered women's work by many, even unemployed men tended to be less involved in homemaking and child care, she said.
But early data suggest that men aren't rejecting homemaking at the same rates in this downturn, she said.
And some men are leaving the work force by choice. An estimated 158,000 married fathers with children younger than 15 left the labor force for at least a year to care for their family while their wives went to work, according to a Census Bureau report based on data from last year.
But a father being at home more -- whether by choice or, like Baron, because he has no alternative -- can be a hard thing for the man as well as the outside world to accept. Neighbors wonder when the man will quit babysitting and get a real job, and teachers still address childrearing concerns to the woman, Coontz said. Finally, women tend to have a hard time viewing their husbands as equals and not just assistants in the home, she said.
"It's because we have had, for 150 years, emphasis on men as experts, as breadwinners, and women as experts on nurturing," Coontz said.
During his three years off the job, Baron said, he found it difficult to answer the inevitable question, "So, what do you do?" in social situations. He also found it difficult to get used to being the only man when he and Micah joined his friends at at the pool or park.
During one of those long afternoons, he vowed that he would help other Mr. Moms when he returned to a job. Recently, he launched monthly "Dads between Gigs" get-togethers for care-giving dads and their children.
"Regardless of how dads end up in the situation of being caregiver, whether they choose it or not, it's still kind of a mom's world taking care of kids all day," Baron said. The events are a good way for men to get their needed guy time, he said.
Coontz said that a father becoming more involved with his children is a positive thing for everyone involved.
"Boys are more empathetic, and girls grow up more confident in their ability to tackle nonstereotype fields, like math or science," Coontz said about children with involved dads.
The best family dynamics develop when a wife and husband share the roles of caregiver and breadwinner, Coontz said. Partners who share responsibilities tend to have more stable marriages than do parents who play exclusive roles, she said.
It's healthy for both partners to have a life in and out of the house, and it's good for the children to see that as well, she said.
Coontz said men may want to consider another incentive in deciding whether to lend a hand with the laundry: Women tend to feel more intimate when their partners are involved with childcare and housework.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)